Rantage MK. II

beginning of a such a nice week turned into shit rather quickly with a lovely load of metaphorical steaming hot shit being dumbed in front of me. where to begin… i might as well start from monday.

Monday. (cursed be this awful day)

well everything starts as usual for every monday i have wake up early, i am suprised that my alarm clock has endured all these years of physical abuse which i smash every school day with a table shaking hit of a groggy fist and im not a morning person a pleasant one atleast. after noticin i forgot to buy bread on last couple of days my breakfest begins with rather audible “FUCK” since all i got in the fridge during that time is ketchup, mustard, some cooking oil, fifth of a cheese and half of a pack of margarin. so my days starts with only mug of instant cappucino after the cappucino is done i rapidly move in front of my computer turn it on, check the news RSS feeds and my email sit there drinking cappucino untill i consider my self awake enaugh. i get dressed pack my backbag and go to school 6 hours of mind numbing lectures later with two coffee breaks and a lunch behind me as im about to leave my teach asks me why i havent returned a report that was due last week. conversation went like this
teacher: could you come over here
me: yea sure what is it?
T: where is the report that was due week ago?
M: report? what report?
T: the report that your class was give assingment around late march?
M:… you mean when i wasnt in the class because i couldnt walk for a week? (that was because of busted ankle i had during that time)
T: *he checks the student list and notices i wasnt in that weeks class” seems like it.
M: i can try to do it for the next week
T: ok then im expecting it on my cubby end of the next week.

well to mention i wasnt happy about that little assingment being forgotten due to my classmates failing to tell me that we had to do it. especially since the teacher is so techonologically limited that he refuses to update his classes information which includes with every other teacher current assingments, due times and files that are meant to help with that subject or current assingment. so im stuck making the report which i got done on wednesday morning during a coffee break. (yes i have to work it in school during off hour and breaks because i cant access the school librarys ebook database from home) i got back home and again noticed that im missing the bread and everything else along with that i had recieved a bill from my ISP. well rest of the day went off rather comfortably so theres nothing to rant about it so ill move on to tuesday

Tuesday

i was supposed to go to Tax office in hour and half train ride away only because of arbitrary reason of me not being registered to my current munincipality that i live in, well i couldnt because today was physics laboratory and well the test equipment other things refused to function way they were meant to. so im bit cranky at that point since i had to spend two extra hours in there to getting everything right and douple checking it. so after i finally got back home all i felt like doing was collapse on my bed and work on some 3d model to unwind which wasnt really helped by my friends either distracting me or wanting me to join them to play some MMO game… i consider my self as a casual MMO player so i play when i feel like playing other wise it will feel like working rather than relaxing. well at this point of the week i realize that because im a student and dont really have much of an income my monthly money supply is running low and making it worse is that theres the upcoming May day holiday. so ill call my parents ask if they could sponsor me enaugh that i can last till friday they agreed.

Wednesday

well to begin this lovely day is my Mom calling way too early earlier than i usually wake up which is around 8 at wednesdays and she’s calling at 6. with only few hours of sleep behind me im bit antsy she tells me to come to wait at the parking lot since she’ll drop off some money for me as she’s going to work (not an office job nor any other stereo typical job… in that situation one of my thoughts were “does she have to be a construction worker?) well after getting the money i went back inside tried to sleep rest of the time and noticing i couldnt get any sleep. so i went ahead took a shower and made breakfest decided to play bit of The elder scrolls IV oblivion yea i know it sucks as an RPG that doesnt mean that its still a good game to kill time with. went to school experienced another series of mind numbing lectures. got back well today was with rather nice middle atleast untill the evening and following night. i managed to alienate one of my dearest friends with argument thats rudeness and inappropriate nature i managed completely fail to notice or comprehend… so now im screwed beyond belief since i didnt realize how badly i fucked up untill today. isit just me but i tend to suck with people badly… i imagine this screw up might have been avoided if i were better with people and social skills.

thursday

the may day well that day was ruined effectively by my realizing only the portion of how screwed i was not to mention being bored out of my mind because my friend wouldnt talk to me. well during that boredom i atleast got some work done.

Friday

thats today i finally got to tax office and figure things out in that regard. so today i wasnt in school because it was day off. so i spent most of today morning and afternoon in train or in the tax office, which isnt really something i enjoy due to excessive amount of people. i got back from there got my self bored again and well later this evening figured out the full extent of how screwed i am in the situation with that friend.

well thats it from the crappyness of this week.

Karma is a bitch and she hates me.

ok for start of i dont believe in karma but i do believe in murphys law. last three weeks could easily be classified in bad as hell category. two weeks ago i sprained my ankle relativily badly and got my ankle wrapped in support wrap that was meant to hold it still and i was on crutches for a week and well i quess my ankles ligaments got beaten up since it still cant completely tolerate sudden impacts with out sharp pain.

so this series if followed by a brief argument between my friends about most insignificant thing like graphics card drivers… well after a while of that they asked me and i felt like the question was like “so whos side are you going to pick?” which was a difficult choice to make. apparently mr. murphy has sense of duty after all since my net connection went down, that happens every once in a while because of bad wiring in the building i live usually it is annoying as hell but now the timing was more than convinient. so that allowed me to avoid the whole mess and let things cool down till the next day. well it eventually turned out that every one had just one crappy day and wound up taking it out on each other.

well after that was done the rest of the week worked out just fine till easter… which completely screwed me over financially since i wasnt able to get any money untill the next week and rest of my family was on a yearly vacation way up northern lappi… so i had to use some of my travel money for school to get food for the easter… yea i really suck that bad with holidays i can never remember them. so because of that i couldnt go to school via bus or train because of the lack of money on the first day after easter.

this was well if you count being late and other inconvinient things that happened was other wise fine… except the creeping feeling that i had in last december. loneliness i keep thinking about it more and more that i need someone to talk to other than my friends someone that actually understands state of my existance on more than one level… ok to simplify it… theres part of me that wants a girlfriend while the other part which is the majority doesnt know why, nor how to even to begin to start that task? that little part of me is getting more and more distracting… every time i dont distract my self away from it i begin to think about it. well thats it from this post

Rantage, flaws , insecurities

please take this one as a random rant from an comptely insane person that has limited social skills at best.

OK i consider my self relatively intelligent individual, I’m sceptical, inquisitive, even thou ive been called nuts people usually tend to consider me smart. you could say I’m way too quiet for my own good although that comes from two variables in my head first why should i bother second i haven’t figured out why. every person has their insecurities about somethings well mine are more involved in the relationships i never been particularly into interpersonal relationships such as friendships, co-workers nor thing that could be called “romantic” relationship. recently I’ve been bugged with situations i wanted to do something like ask someone out to a coffee but that’s where the second variable kicks in and shuts me up before i can say anything. i know its not the self confidence i got more than enough to voice my opinions and ideas yet i cant seem to be able to talk to opposite sex out of my own volition at-least the kind i might be interested.
im 20 year old IT-student not particularly bad looking nor particularly good looking either but yet I’m on a level of an 6th grader when it comes to opposite sex and talking to them other than few passing words while you are doing something else, seriously how many people of my age have kissed, had sex, had at-least some form of relationship with an opposite sex beyond a friendship. hell even that friendship concept with an opposite sex is a bloody new concept to me. OK if you still didn’t get the clue of how approachable i am well imagine Dr. Gregory House, Data from star trek and Garret From the good old thief games and from that you can deduce that I’m not particularly people friendly, curious, sneaky and devious if necessary… OK now i sound like a bloody sociopath that would be how i come across after people get to know me i would be classified as a nice guy maybe little too nice for his own good.

so im a bloody geek while most people were indulging in fun of interpersonal relationships in their little own screwed up way. i was either studying or playing games on my PC. why I’m not a hermit yet? i like people even if i don’t seem like it i find them fascinating once i get to know one individual problem is i find people i consider difficult to read (being not particularly predictable in their reactions or ways they behave) which are usually odd ones out from their groups either by their thinking or by their behaviour im fascinated by those individuals.

people that have tendency to go along with the group and be quiet about their own opinions or thoughts about what they are doing i find persistently annoying or futile. since people that bother to think on their own instead of going along with the group i tend to find less annoying or pleasant even with their quirks. so the point im dragging my self toward to very avoidingly that I’m practically going to other way is and i think possibly could be distilled into few prompt and random questions. i know its bloody insane to ask advice from the Internet but i don’t really have friends that have good experiences about such matters.

how to approach a girl with out making yourself look like an complete idiot?

if she says yes or no what should i do then?

what would be appropriate for scenario that if she says yes. coffee or similar?

should i give her my email or phone number in the end of that coffee?

is there anything that might have missed?

as for the last words lets say i got no experience what so ever of that type of situations… also that im not really comfortable asking those from my family since i suspect they might be more than eager to help… OK that didnt make sense why i don’t want to ask my family about this let me simplify, my family doesn’t really know my taste and i doubt id enjoy blind dates of any kind which i suspect that my family might be more than eager to try and arrange.